Near Dark is just about my favorite vampire movie. It’s not quite a western, it’s not quite a road movie, it’s not quite a romance. It’s weird and dark and Lance Henriksen sounds as close to a roofing shingle as any human being can get. He seems like he’s made of sandpaper and empty whiskey bottles, but I’m assuming he’s a real person with organs and eyes and a cardiovascular system. Poor Jenny is a lonely vampire who befriends and tries to turn a handsome farm kid into a bloodsucker. I guess if I was faced with an eternity with Bill Paxton I’d start scrambling to find a forever friend too. You couldn’t make it through the entire renaissance with that man, he’d never stop giggling at the statue of David and pointing at his exposed genitals. Hundreds of years spent pointing at one set of marble balls. Vampires truly are the damned.